02 December 2009

Ingenuity...? Sure, let's call it that.

So today while at work, I discover a new habit I've developed: utilizing the exhaust from the laptop on my desk. But before I go about telling you how I do this, I think we first need to tackle that fat elephant sitting in the last sentence: exhaust? Are these exhaust fumes emanating from this tiny little machine? I'm not sure what they are technically called, but I CAN tell you that the term isn't catching on. From here on out, a laptop emits exhaust fumes from its side.

And now to the fun part- how AM I going about harnessing this energy, and for what noble cause? Well, if you are still even vaguely interested at this point, I should alert you to the fact that YOU ARE NOT NORMAL. If you are just reading this out of some hidden sense of masochism and are bored but really want to get to the end and just know how the hell I did this and are wondering why I keep rambling on and on and on and wasting your time when I clearly stated a point at the beginning of this post, then your answer is I wanted to see how long you would keep reading (I win). Aaaaaaaanyway, I realized today that I reflexively now place the cookies I bring back from lunch directly next to the laptop, where the flames come out (they've graduated to flames) so the cookies get all heated up and melty and nice. I also stash my earbuds there, so that when I put them in after a quick break, voila! toasty buds in my ears.

Before I saw these opportunities, I was quite unhappy with the exhaust function. It makes your legs hot and is all talk, no show. Thank goodness I saw the light and am now putting it to good use.

27 November 2009

Facebook stalking is not punishable by law.

Is it okay to stalk via Internet? I find myself looking at acquaintance's profile pages, Googling them, searching for them in police records. Then I think to myself, Is this normal? Am I a normal person?

Of course, the answer to that simple question is no. But then it hits me: it's the Internet's fault. Never before did I have the resources readily available to learn information about someone from anywhere other than them directly. The Internet has made me and so many other people creepy.

Now, because of the Internet, people can cyber stalk. They can view porn without having to do a walk of shame into and out of a video store. Anyone can see how much you paid in property taxes last year, or what your home phone number is. Am I okay with this? Are you okay with this? Probably not. But instead of rallying for change, which would take up time and energy (and I hate dimes), I will instead go look for my eighth-grade crush on MySpace.

03 October 2009

Did I do that?

So I'm driving. And I realize that I don't remember the last five minutes of my excursion (if you can call it that). I find this slightly disturbing. What have I been thinking about or looking at that has so distracted me? Are there multiple accidents in my wake? Does the city now resemble Gotham because I wasn't paying proper attention? I don't know. But it's creepy. Then again, I'm also a little proud of myself. If I can drive safely (relatively) without thinking or remembering what's going on, what else could I use this talent for?
-Work
-Shopping (maybe- it could also lead to huge expenses and me coming home with something dumb like a chair)
-Cleaning
-That's about as far as I got. I stopped thinking about it and I don't remember the last two minutes of typing. Hey! *yes*